Indulgence- The Mind's Destinations

If a person's life is lived for his goals and dreams, then a person's day is lived for his indulgence. Indulgence is basically experiences that one's mind delights in. To indulge in a favourite food, in the company of friends or beloved, a piece of music or a movie.

It is the moment in time that one looks forward to everyday. That explains why working adults look forward to the end of the working day, to the 5 or 6pm, when they can return to their personal lives to do unbounded by time what they want to do, where they want to go, and who they want to be with. Apply this concept to school life, and students are not that different too.


Living in this fastpacing modern society, people tend to work long hours and spend most of their time and energy at work, and with the little remaining on their own matters and leisures. This scarce time includes the those spent on bathing, meals, household chores, and sleep. If you think about it, how little time we have to do the things we want.

Before we know it, bedtime would have come and the next minute we would be waking in shock and reluctance to return to the same routine setting for another 8 to 9 hours.


How sad is such a life...but many times we have no choice because we need a stable income to survive and use it for whatever we want. There comes a time where some people get tired of such a cycle, and they would compromise certain activities to buy more time for their leisures.

They would eat quickly, hurry from place to place, sleep very little etc just to reach their mind destinations faster so as to allow more time for their indulgences. This kind of lifestyle, when persisted over a period of time, will definitely affect one's well being of mind and body.



If one would to carefully think it through, he may realize that the problem does not entirely lie with the time he cant control(working hours), but with the time he can control(leisure hours).

Why?

Because when we become too indulgent in what we enjoy, our mind will develop the habit of ignoring other matters out of this respect. We will keep looking forward to these mind destinations to immerse our minds.

When one becomes too binded by his own indulgences, he might even shirk his chores and responsibilities, thus affecting his family and loved ones in his life. A one man's problem in turn multiplies into others' problems.


All in nature seeks balance, so does the mind. One should know best not to be overwhelmed by his own indulgences.



To live and appreciate the present moment is the true essence of life.

It is the only moment we exist, and the only time we live to do that which can change our and others' lives. A person's life lies in his current breath. Mind destinations are not definite and not the ultimate home for the mind. They are only relative to one's indulgences and does not have any true or definite meaning. Take vehicles on the road for instance, everyday we see buses, cars and trains traveling to and fro, transporting passengers to their different destinations. These destinations are everywhere, one person's start could be another's destination.

Places like streets, buildings, and harbor are in essence one with the earth and are never destinations or starting points to start with. When a person migrates to another country, he will stop taking the usual roads he used to take to go to his office, the mall and his house in his former country. Hence, all these previous so called destinations of his life prior to his migration will vanish, and cease to exist.

Every morning, instead of waking with a frantic mind that is already thinking of work even before we leave our doorstep, we should open our mind, our senses to be aware of our surroundings.


Breathe in the air steadily, see the waving trees, feel the soft breeze cool your skin. Understand that your indulgences, your mind destinations of everyday are never separate from the present moment, but are all residues of your senses.

Finding True Love

Love- a most common theme in romance movies and drama, and a vital element of our lives. The love discussed here mainly refers to passionate love between couples. It's the infatuation that have you thinking about the one you love, that made every word he or she says matters so much to you, that made your entire world suddenly seem more exciting and purposeful. Yes, it's a bit cliche but it's true when you fall in love.

Love can truly change a person and his/her life drastically, for the better or worse. For love is such a powerful emotion that affect us so greatly, it is most insightful and fruitful perhaps that we spend some time to ask the question of 'Is love reliable?'



A Honest Look At Love

In life, we would have at least fallen in love once, if not several times. When we felt a crush for someone at school, a celebrity on TV or anyone around us. Naturally, we wish to be with that person whom we love.

Indeed, love can be the greatest feeling in life, to be loved by the person we love. Love sets motivation and purpose in our lives, and for that someone, we are even willing to compromise our own joy to see him/her happy. But sadly, not all of us can be with the one we love, no matter how much that person means to us, we might mean the least to them.

True indeed that we have to fight to get what we want, but of all things, love can be a drastic exception. The simple reason is love and attraction is natural, and cannot be forced. To stubbornly oppose this truth, one could exert great misery upon both parties.

However, not all sadness comes from the situation of a one sided love. There are many who go into a relationship only to realize that the path of love is not as happy as they expected. The once passionate and flaring emotion for our beloved begins to wane overtime. That explains the high numbers of broken relationship resulting in break ups or divorces.



Is Love Superficial Or Noble?

In many cases, love is very often based on superficial appearance. People love people with good looks, although beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, it is still the truth that one loves the person who he/she defines as beautiful or appealing.

When we rely on abstractions like this, in this case, one's exterior beauty, there can be no stability. Who's to ensure that he/she would always be as ravishing as the state of her which you fell in love with?

Perhaps that is why dating is the best stage of love, when everything about that someone you love is so new and mysterious. There are simply too many things to share with him/her. But this suspense of love eventually runs out with time, and the initial cause of attraction grows thin. Pretty much like how the colors of one's youth drying with time, love is not too far an example. Worse still, when you start to discover shortcomings and negative personality traits of him/her you never realize before.



How Much Do I Love My Beloved?

Love is selfish, a rather common match of two contradicting words, or maybe not. Regardless of the great reluctance to agree with this statement, there's little choice but to accept this fact. No matter how unconditional we think love can be, it is still within the condition set by our ego's ideals. Because of our ego, we stick to our own opinions and perspectives, and leads to arguments and misunderstanding in life.


Love is no different, and should I say more intense in this aspect, for we expect our beloved, more than anyone, to understand us, to agree with us. And when they do something that contradicts us, it hurts our ego, and we feel angry and annoyed. This anger, if not handled carefully, drives us to conduct hurtful actions to our beloved without much hesitation or question, much like the initial spark of love that started all this.


All this comes down to the fact that 'I love myself the most.' Yes. The moment of truth, an invisible notion that runs deep in our mind long before you found that someone you love. Before love, self already exists. Our beloved's attraction and grace are merely sensual indulgence that fulfills the self's conditions, but that is not the true person we fell in love with, for beyond this selfish indulgence, is another mind with his/her unique feelings and emotions, and just like you, he/she has an ego and ideals too.



How To Make A Relationship Last?

Do note however that there is no rigid right or wrong with falling in love through superficial means, but that should not be the main source of reliance to stay the love and relationship in the long run. Instead, love her by who she is, by her intentions. Touch your beloved with forgiveness and understanding. Many times, the constant enemy in love is our self indulgence, causing us to speak more than listen, to influence more than to learn. Love is a great prize of happiness, and it is enjoyed through constant foregoing of your ego and pride. If a person cannot do this for anyone, then he/she would be happy with no one.

*The frustration caused by ego/pride is like our own shadow, it follows us to whenever we go, to whoever we are with.*

Abstractions- The Flow of Yin and Yang

There is a saying in Chinese:

''A mountain can be easily reformed, but not its nature.''

Today, this phrase is commonly used to explain how a person can never change his true character, similar to the phrase, 'A tiger can never change it's stripes.'

But in fact there is a better and deeper true meaning to this phrase. And it is to define abstractions, which would be touched later in this post.

As we know, mountains are formed overtime as the earth's plates from opposite sides collide and rub against each other. This tremendous force pushes the crust up vertically, resulting in an accumulated elevation of the earth which we distinguish as a mountain.

It is often natural when a traveler passes by such a landscape, his attention would fall on the looming mountain against the horizon. Some mountains would even be named due to their unique forms or heights, or become tourist attractions. But no matter how famous the mountain become, it still shares the nature of the earth which it was upheaved.

Even so, most people's attention fall first on the mountains rather than the earth where it emerged from. If we investigate at the modern fancies of today e.g. fashion, cars, or special effects, and study them in the same way, we will see a different light to them.

In the case of a fashion wear, the fashion wear would be the 'mountain' while the materials of the wear would be the 'earth'. As we know, only through careful craftsmanship and design concept, an appealing fashion wear would be created, and in turn admired, craved over and even worshipped as a breakthrough in fashion trend.

From the raw materials to the final dress, the materials' nature doesn't change. Silk is still silk, cotton is still cotton. If the dress would to be put through a shredder and emerges in scattered threads, would people's like for it still remain the same? Would they still see it as a remarkable fashion wear? No. Why? Because the definition of the so called remarkable fashion wear is only an abstraction of the people's minds, and abstractions are not truth, but reflected images of our own perceptions.

What is Abstractions? They are our impressions of the world shaped by perception through our senses. It is that beautiful girl or dashing guy we see, it is that artwork masterpiece we admire, it is that delusive line that separates higher and lower class people by means of social status/abilities. In general, it is the reflected image of our shrouded mind. Beautiful and ugly, good and bad, rich and poor are all reflections caused by our blinded minds, and these reflections form the world we see everyday.

Everyday, we see people around us, both strangers or friends on the trains or along the streets. Logically, in daytime, the people and things we see are reflected light rays from the sun off the various objects around us. We see our friends and beloved as these light rays that bounce off their bodies and reach our eyes. If so, can we say that we are seeing them? If we say so, we would agree that these reflected light rays are our friends and beloved. If this is true, they would turn darker when night falls and even vanish when we switch off all the lights in our room during bedtime.

But we know this is not true.

No matter how the lighting conditions change, our friends and beloved do not transform with it. They are still themselves, both in body and personality. But yet, we claim we see people as stylish, sloppy, or pretty when all we see are reflected light rays quite similar to those from television and monitor screens which are not the real them.

The clearer one's mind is, the weaker the hold of abstraction would have on his mind. Such a person would be more at peace with his life. When one admires too much of beauty, one easily becomes superficial and vain, and the difference of beauty and ugliness, respectable and despised would become greater. Even for those whose mind are heavily shrouded by abstractions, many of them do not become arrogant because of a compassionate heart for those less desirable than themselves. But still, they are never truly free from the idea, and will still be troubled by such issues.

Through abstractions, we judge matters and people, and we in turn are judged by others too. Over the decades, Man have carved breakthroughs and advancements in beauty, fashion, cars, luxury living etc. Through this, more differences and standards emerge.

At this pace, it is without a doubt that the bar would be pushed even higher in the future.

Like a tower that builds ever higher, and people are always trying to climb up to the top. The stronger ones beat the weaker ones, but they themselves struggle too under the force of gravity as they get higher.

But no matter how high they climb, the tower is still built on the earth below, and when the earth shakes, the stronger ones fall hard to the ground along with the crumbling tower.

Zen- Mind over Matter

No matter how the landscapes and architectures of the world changes, unhappiness would always linger in the world of Man. This unhappiness is not the work of trees, not the work of mountains, or anything that has long existed before us.


This unhappiness comes from our minds. Yes, because of the mind, 'we' exist, along with the 'world' within it. Through our different perceptions, each of our world takes on a different look and hence formed our reality.


For example, a person who grew up in a broken family would most likely take on a more pessimistic view of the world and life than someone from a nurtured family because of the different experiences they have. The two of them might live on the extreme ends of the world and not know the existences of each other, but their lives are still bound by the inner states of their minds.

Suppose the both of them were to write down their life accounts on their own diaries. And one day, a child, curious to know more about life, finds both diaries and reads them. In this case, which story should he trust to be his life in future? Should it be the pessimist's or the optimist's account?


None of the two would be the absolute answer, for no one's thinking and philosophy is exactly the same, not to mention the events we would face in life, the paths we would walk, the people we would meet, and the choices we would make. Then again, there are always a lot of things to be learnt from others' experiences, but we must always understand that the problems and solutions in our individual lives are special and different from others.


Thus, only we can bring a stop to our own unhappiness because our own mind is our true teacher. The way of zen is to master our mind, the culprit for nearly all of our sorrow and despair in life.

Meaning of Rich

To be rich is what many people want. Rich is a word that flashed piles of cash in people's minds, or numerous digit places in their bank account.

Yet the word 'rich' has more general meanings in the dictionary, a meaning of great worth, value, or abundance, not necessarily always to do with money.


Following the concept of having money as rich, we can pretty much know that many see money as the thing that has the greatest worth and value. Why is it so?

Being rich simply means one can buy the goodies they want, travel and explore new places, raise one's stature and widen social circle and recognition. We want to be rich to indulge in luxury, sensual pleasures and extravagance.
For the less fortunate, getting rich is a way to liberate from the chains of poverty, to break free from the people and environment that they detest.

Having come from a not so well-to-do family myself, I live among neighbors of very similar financial standards. The lack of money not only limit how far we can travel, how big our rooms are, and how much we can eat.

More importantly and sadly, it can change a person as well.

Take my neighbor for example, we first knew each other when I was around 7 to 8 years old. He was 3 years younger than me. Whenever we returned from school, we would play with each other, and talked about everything under the sun.
His mother worked very hard everyday to make sure he wouldn't starve. Despite earning only $500 as monthly income, she would buy him his desired toy or game console just to see him happy.
But his father, however, wasn't as caring and hardworking as his wife.

Hoping to strike rich, he always took shortcuts and would spent constant sums on lotteries and alcohol. Some nights he would return home drunk and angry and yell at his wife whenever she brought up the money issue.
There were times he even threatened his wife with a knife, or beat her up. At such a young age, my neighbor would cry out loud in fear.


Many years later, his mother and him decided to put an end to this and eventually left the apartment secretly for good. After they left, the apartment was sealed months later due to outstanding rental fees that his husband had no ability to settle.
Since, his mental state deteriorated and some time later, rumors broke out that he passed away. Since, I lost contact with my neighbor and never saw him again.



This incident taught me one crucial lesson- Lack of understanding and greed can bring darker sorrow than merely the lack of money.

If only my neighbor's father would show more concern and work hard, even if his income was not very ideal, his wife and son would be more than contented. Because of his idleness, his wife's became angry easily for being unappreciated, and so their misunderstanding deepened without rest. From this case, and many happening today around us, we can witness the great damage of mishandled human emotions upon ourselves. Some say that money is the root of all evil, whereas in fact the culprits should be the uncontrolled greed and selfishness in us humans.

Reality- The False Image

In this world, people strive to be rich, to be attractive, to be loved, to be recognized, to be excited by thrills and external fascinations. Out of these, superficial beauty is a major topic. Because of beauty, people want to be rich, because of beauty, the world is made a more colourful and exciting place for us.

Whether it's the style in fashion, the spectacular CG graphics in movies or the beautiful celebrities' faces, people love them and are so attached to them, that they in time have become the norm of our daily society.

But beauty is not always as glamourous as it appears to be.

Let me sidetrack a bit and share a little of my story. Like most people, I used to study in primary and secondary schools before I go on to pursuing my digital media dream in polytechnic. But still, the most memorable times come from the school days, especially during later stage of primary school and secondary school.

I wasn't really an outspoken boy in nature, and naturally I wasn't very popular among the girls, and my friends were very limited but truthful. Maybe it was a blessing too. Observing from a quiet side, I realize how the good looking students were tormented by their own more appealing exterior. For girls, the abundant attention from the world made them more conscious of their exterior appearances. Aware and enjoying the attention, they would do their best to ensure their outlook is never compromised.

They soon become over indulgent on the admiration of others, and lose their mind lose stability easily simply because they depend too much on the opinions of others. But the lust of sight is not something reliable and often unforgiving.

Although being beautiful can really boost one's confidence, it can also arise insecurity in one's heart and mind and even cause one to lose direction once that beauty is affected.

In short, beauty and appearance are like a blurred glass blinding people from seeing one another's true being/existence. Today, most divorces and problems of love relationships stem from the oblivion of this truth.

Relating to this issue, there was this zen story I read, about a madman who existed during the time when the Buddha lived. According to the story, there was this man who fell in love with the reflection of his face in the mirror. But this greatly agonized him, for once he looked away from the mirror, his face would disappear from his sight. Anxiously, he would run around town asking people if anyone had seen his beloved face. And thus he was called the mad man in his town, for his face have always been with him, just that he couldn't see it because his eyes, being part of his face could never see it without a mirror. And for this reason, he was ignorant of the fact the reflection of his face was caused by his own head.

Back to the effects of beauty, many of us are actually very alike to this mad man in a psychological manner. We don't know that the source of happiness lies with how we see things. Unable to see this fact, we are so ready to place the responsibility of our happiness on these fleeting sensations and our accomplishments in life.


Due to the fast paced working life, we tend to forget this fact. But for the rest of the journey to finding happiness, this truth would be your key foundation and your crucial first step.

No Shortcuts to True Happiness

Yes, taking shortcuts would only result in temporary and unstable happiness. No matter how steady your means of happiness are, they are not invulnerable. Be it money, love, or accomplishments. Why? Because they are still in essence, based on external factors and conditions, just like the way 'terms and conditions apply' rule works in the business world. If you want a free TV or a certain privilege, you must be bound by a certain contract. There's always a price to be paid. In the case of one's reliance on temporary happiness, the price is despair or disappointment. Nevertheless, there are many who choose to ignore this fact, and indulge themselves in such luxuries as long as they can, like someone who rely on drugs to ease himself.

This is why I decided to set up this blog, so not only can I share my insights with anyone, more crucially, anyone can share their opinions and experiences with me and other readers of the site. Of all the advanced subjects, finding true happiness in life is by far the hardest, more challenging even than Maths and Science, merely because there are no clear formulas to instantly bring you to the shrouded goal called true happiness.

As you can see, I bolded the words above. ''no clear formulas''. But that does not mean there is no formula at all. As problems are defined according to the mind, so are the solutions.

Conclusion

Problems stem from ourselves, our minds, our demands and ideals. Always remember that. I believe that many people know this, but still, they couldn't put an end to their own troubles. Problems still bug them everyday. Because knowing isn't enough. We need to dig deep into our other mind, the part we have failed to understand and have long lost sight and control of it. Worse still, some people see that part of their minds as who they really are and let it control them, making them act rashly and commit things that cause much hurt to others as well as to themselves in the long run.

To everyone who is facing great pain and sorrow in life at this very second, pls do not give up. What you face is beyond anyone could express, I know, and there are even times when there's no one who seems to understand or pay attention to you. Hang in there.

No problem can outwin or outlast you because your mind and soul are never bound to these problems from the day you came into this world. They were born after you and thus should cease before you.

What is Happiness?

Before we answer this question, we should ask ourselves this question instead- What is unhappiness?

Yes, this truly is the case, because as long as we are unhappy about something, the way to happiness and the joy of life can never really be found.

So, what makes us unhappy? We are unhappy when we are unable to have the things we want, the experience we desire and crave. Let's say if this is the case, then let's start with a list of the most common and timelessly acclaimed factors that cause unhappiness in the modern society we live in. Also note that the stated examples are actual scenarios I have observed from real people around me.

1. Money- e.g. An average salaryman works 5 1/2 days a week to earn enough money for proper meals and bills to sustain his family. Even though he doesn't like his job, he leaves home for work early daily , returns late and exhausted at night. Overtime, he seeks pleasures in drinking and late night activities, and vents his anger on his helpless family at the slightest issues.
   
2. Love- e.g. A thoughtful girl who loves her boyfriend deeply feels he no longer understands and pampers her as much as he used to when they first started out dating. Their conversation topics thinned, and the simplest of questions from her would even annoy him sometimes. She sobbed in silence, and faced the dilemma whether she should leave or stay the relationship.
3. Social Stress- e.g. A girl, born with a generally less attractive exterior tries hard to blend in with the group. But no matter how hard she tries, the attention and favor of her friends naturally turn to her other better looking friends. Under their company, she begins to feel extremely left out and lonely.
   
4. Health- e.g. A young and happy family man suddenly became strickened with kidney failure. Day by day his strength fails and the pain worsens. To seek treatment, he spends more money and time at the hospital than with his own family. From an optimistic man, he became downcast and sees no purpose in life.

One may think that happiness varies from person to person, which is true. But in general, happiness can be categorized into 2 very broad types:

1. Happiness of Obtaining
2. Happiness of Foregoing

To start, let's look at the first kind- Happiness of Obtaining. This type of happiness is more intense, the type that most people seek and define to be the true meaning of happiness. It basically refers to the happiness of having something you want. Yet at the same time, it is also the mirror of intense unhappiness that weigh down many people today, leading to stress problems and in worse cases, depression and extreme anxiety. Simply put, it is the other side to Happiness gained from Obtaining.


The second type of happiness is rarer and harder to obtain, one that very few people can relate or understand. It is the happiness of letting go of your desires by thoroughly understanding their true underlying nature. This joy comes genuinely from your heart.