The Four Wives

I have originally intended for this post to be 'Who Am I Really?', but i decided to leave that post for later as it is to be a more detailed post about our true existences and a hidden truth of the mind that you might not have heard about.

But before I move onto that post, I will post a famous short story known as The Four Wives, to succeed my previous post of The Four People and as a founding step to the upcoming post 'Who Am I Really?'

Every man and woman has four wives or husbands. What do these wives or husbands signify?

-Buddha-

Relating to the statement above, the Buddha once told a story to his disciples.

Once there was a man who had four wives.
(According to the social system and circumstances of ancient India, it was possible for a man to have several wives. Also, during the Heian period in Japan, about a thousand years ago, it was not unusual for a woman to have several husbands)

The Indian had become ill and was about to die. At the end of his life, he felt very lonely and so asked the first wife to accompany him to the other world.

'My dear wife,' he said, 'I loved you day and night, I took care of you throughout my whole life. Now I am about to die, will you please go with me wherever I go after my death?'

He expected her to answer yes. But she answered, 'My dear husband, I know you always loved me. And you are going to die. Now it is time to separate from you. Goodbye, my dear.'

He called his second wife to his sickbed and begged her to follow him in death.
He said, 'My dear second wife, you know how I loved you. Sometimes I was afraid you might leave me, but I held on to you strongly. My dear, please come with me.'

The second wife expressed herself rather coldly. 'Dear husband, your first wife refused to accompany you after your death. How can I follow you? You loved me only for your own selfish sake.'

Lying in his deathbed, he called his third wife, and asked her to follow him.
The third wife replied, with tears in her eyes, 'My dear, I pity you and I feel sad for myself. Therefore I shall accompany you to the graveyard. This is my last duty to you.'
The third wife thus also refused to follow him to death.

Three wives had refused to follow him after his death.

Now he recalled that there was another wife, his fourth wife, for whom he didn't care very much. He had treated her like a slave and had always showed much displeasure with her.
He now thought that if he asked her to follow him to death, she certainly would say no.

But his loneliness and fear were so severe that he made the effort to ask her to accompany him to the other world.

The fourth wife gladly accepted her husband's request.
'My dear husband,' she said, 'I will go with you. Whatever happens, I am determined to be with you forever. I cannot be separated from you."


Meaning Behind The Four Wives.

The First Wife is our body.
We love our body day and night. In the morning, we wash our face, put on clothing and shoes. We give food to our body. We take care of our body like the first wife in this story.
But unfortunately, at the end of our life, the body, the first wife cannot follow us to the next world.
As it is stated in a commentary,
'When the last breath leaves our body, the healthy color of the face is transformed, and we lose the appearance of radiant life. Our loved ones may gather around and lament, but to no avail. When such an event occurs, the body is sent into an open field and cremated, leaving only the white ashes.'
This is the destination of our body.

The Second Wife stands for our fortune, our material things, money, property, fame, position, and job that we worked hard to attain.
We are attached to these material possessions. We are afraid to lose these material things and wish to possess much more.
There is no limit.
At the end of our life these things cannot follow us to death. Whatever fortune we have piled up, we must leave it. We came into this world with empty hands.
During our life in this world, we have the illusion that we obtained a fortune.
At death, our hands are empty. We can't hold our fortune after our death, just as the second wife told her husband: 'You hold me with your ego-centered selfishness. Now it is time to say goodbye.'

The Third Wife refers to the relationship of our parents, sister and brother, all relatives, friends, and/or society.
They will go as far as the graveyard, with tears in their eyes. They are sympathetic and saddened...
Thus, we cannot depend on our physical body, our fortune, and our society.
We are born alone and we die alone. No one will accompany us after our death.

The Fourth Wife is our mind.
In life, we deeply trouble our mind with trifles of jealousy, lust, anger, social recognition and many other fleeting needs. Happy over these trifles for a moment or days, we are constantly troubled by them over the spread of years and decades.
When we deeply observe and recognize that our minds are filled with anger, greed, and dissatisfaction, we are having a good look at our lives.
The anger, greed, and dissatisfaction are karma, the law of causation. We cannot be separated from our own karma.
As the fourth wife told her dying husband, 'I will follow you wherever you go.'


Regardless of the belief of whether there is an afterlife or not, the fourth wife, as refered to our mind, still holds the same meaning to us all, for the mind is closest to us, following us every instance of everyday.

The Four People

*Those who are more critical of themselves than of others, will be less disliked by others*

- Confucius -

Today, all the people living in this modern world have something to pursue in life, something they wish to find or accomplish to make their lives better or happier. But reality as we all know it, is wrought with difficulties and differences. Some are clever, some are dumb, some are good talkers, some are good listeners, some are fast learners, some are just not in league, some have multi talents, some almost have none, some are good looking, some are bad looking, some are rich, some are poor.

Amidst these states of inequality and changes, what is there to be eternally happy about? This very question was once asked by The Four People.

Who are the Four People?

The Four People depicts the four main types of people in this world.


Long ago, not so different as today, unhappiness and inequality plagued the everyday lives of man. The rich dwelled in their palaces of luxuries, feeding off the labour of the poor. The poor, unhappy about their lives, strived for ways to steal and cheat from one another. The clever abusing their intellect, deceived the dumb. Driven to extremes, the poor and powerless cursed the world and all the people living in this unfair realm, forming resentful clans with those who suffered the same fate, resorting to violence and killing to vent their hate on the corrupted and deceitful.

Amidst this turmoil, there lived four men, who felt unpleased with the unrest in their lives and so each left their homes, wandering to seek an answer to whether there is a constant happiness in this world that will never fail them. Among them, two of them were scholars and thus were more versed in speech and knowledge than the other two.

One day, these four men met one another and after a long discussion, decided to set out in separate directions to seek the true happiness they sought, if it existed at all.

The first to the North, second to the South, third to the East, and fourth to the West. Before departing, they promised to return to that same place in three years' time to share with one another what they found.

With that, each of them headed out in their own directions.

Soon, three years passed, the first man returned from the north, followed by the second man from the south.

In a fit of disappointment and rage, the first man poured his complaints of how rude, ignorant, and selfish the people of the North are, caring only about their own matters of survival. These three years there have been a torment to him facing those people. He declared it was a waste of his time to understand anything from those people, and that the key to happiness could never lie there.

The second man, who was more versed in knowledge, stated how shocked he was at the ignorance and stupidity of the South people like the first man. However, his stay was more enjoyable as his vast knowledge and wits soon became widely known and respected by the clever and rich. Despite this, many officials became jealous of his fame and knowledge, and as he spent most time with the knowledgeable, the poor and ignorant were distant from him. Alas he left that place, knowing that the key to happiness could not lie there either.

Some days later, the third man returned from the East with a group of people. With a pleased smile, he told the two men about how wonderful the South was. Due to his limited knowledge and wits, he felt inferior talking to the officials.

As a result, he spent most time in the company of the poor and slow witted over the years, whom many became his friends. Despite the new company he acquired, he still yearned for great knowledge and the day he would be respected by the clever. With subtle sadness, he told he has not found complete happiness there either.


So they waited for the last man to return from the West. Days passed, yet he did not return.

Thus the three men set out for the West to gather the whereabouts of the fourth.

The land of the West were not much different from the other lands, with poor and worn down houses, the streets flooded with the poor and haggard. What was different was the people there were mostly happy and polite, be it the rich or the poor, the powerful or the helpless.

They traveled far, asking the people there about the whereabouts of a traveler but they all replied there has been no wanderers in their land for many years, only local residents lived there. While passing by a row of shabby houses, the three men heard a quite familiar voice from nearby.

Finally they found the fourth men dressed as a commoner inside one of the houses, accompanied by officials, nobles and even slaves. When the three men asked the fourth man the reason why he did not return. He replied that he has found his happiness and home, and it was there among the rich, the poor, the clever, the dumb, the beautiful and the ugly.

Puzzled, the second man, who shared equal amount of knowledge and wits as him, asked how he managed to earn the hospitality of all so many which he failed to.

What did the fourth man do or have that he didn't?

Hearing his question, the fourth man answered, 'When there is someone who needs my knowledge, I share and tell. When there is someone who counters or doubts my knowledge, I stop and listen. When there is someone who can't absorb my knowledge, I understand and accept.'

Only then the other three men realized that the key to the constant happiness they seek did not lie in the North, South, East or the West, but in the way they see the world and others, in the way they think, live and treat others. That key had lie with them all along, but they could not see it, as their pride, arrogance and prejudice were standing in their own way.

These four men told in the story above are The Four People.

Meaning behind The Four People

All people in this world mainly belonged to one of The Four People mentioned in the story above.

The First Man refers to those who are easy judgers and enjoys criticizing others and noticing the wrongs of others. These people are proud of themselves and think they are the smartest and most capable even though they are in fact not. Thus they are always unsatisfied with others and the world.

The Second Man refers to those who are similar to the first type, except that they possess genuine talents and knowledge which is useful to others. However, their talent and accomplishments make them proud and self fulfiled, and they easily criticize those lower than them, emphasizing on their weaknesses rather than strengths while admiring those on the same or higher level than themselves.

The Third Man refers to those who, despite their lack of knowledge and talent, is kind and understanding to others, specially those on the similar level of knowledge. These people are self critical, seeing their own faults first on top of others. However, a part of them sometimes yearn to be highly admired and looked upon, to become someone great. This arise inconfidence and the feeling of inferiority in their deepest hearts.

The Fourth Man refers to those who possess genuine talents and knowledge but see themselves as one soul and qualtiy with all the people. These people are the rarest of the four types. They are truly patient, modest and understanding towards those weaker than them in capabilities, seeing everyone as a capable teacher who has something to teach and to be learnt from. Even in times when they are misunderstood or criticized, they don't seek to prove themselves but focus on what they can do to benefit others. Thus these kind of people are not easily noticeable in our daily lives, but once they are noticed, lasting loyalty and friendship follow them, as others realize they are the true teachers in life.



From this story, one can learn how important compassion and humility is in life, as the catalyst and binder of healthy relationships with others as well as the door to the stable happiness which can only be realized through a compassionate and humble heart and mind.

Lusting Effects

Story about lust

There once lived a man among a group of cultivators who practiced healthy living and mind purification. Despite his status as a cultivator, he was often distracted as his interest fell on a female cultivator in his group. No matter what he did, he could not shake her off his mind. Thus, he constantly sent her secret love letters praising her beauty, declaring his strong and immovable feelings for her, and stating that he is willing to do anything to win her love.

Then one day, the female cultivator wrote back to the man, saying that she will accept his love if he could confessed openly to her on the coming day. The man was overjoyed and looked forward to the next day to express his love for her.

During the next morning's assembly, after the master addressed the fellow cultivators for questions, she stood up with the love letter in her hand, and said, ' 'I received this love letter from a man who loves me dearly. Whoever he is, I stand here ready to accept his confession of love for me. ''
Hearing this, the man sitting among the assembly was too embarrassed to stand up, knowing well of his improper intentions as a cultivator, not to mention admitting it before everyone.

The master then spoke 'Indeed, shouldn't love be a honest and open expression?' After this incident, the man showed due respect to the female cultivator and never dared bring up such issues to her again.


This story teaches us not to take love too lightly, because at many a times we too easily say or think that we are willing to give the best of our love to someone, while in actual fact, we are more concerned about our pride and are merely driven by the temporary heat of our desires. Unbiased compassion is the noblest love of all.



Emotions are the prime drivers of our concentration in our daily lives, and not just that, it also sets the motivation in our lives. While the positive or I would prefer to use the word, healthy ones can enliven new energy of joy and hope in a person, the unhealthy ones can put one into total distress and confusion in life.

Of all the powerful emotions like anger, jealousy and greed, lust is perhaps the most commonly troubling and intense of all. Though lust comes in many forms of sensual indulgences, the lusting for luxuries, the lusting for money etc. The lust here mainly refers to the lusting for sexuality.

Even though this emotion is present in all genders, males tend to have a stronger affliction in general, so much so that this emotion has begun to develop into a norm within the world of the guys. Examples include watching pornography materials, hitting on beautiful girls, and talking dirty jokes with their friends.

From a truthful standpoint, despite the lust for sexuality is a natural instinct, it should not be taken for granted and allowed to strive without discipline.

Why? Because:

• Lust is a need without destination, an increasing debt that can never be settled. It starts small, and turns ever bigger, like a person who borrows more money from new creditors to settle old ones.
• It destroys faith and respect among people, turning love into hate, lovers into enemies and promises to deceit.
• It causes the spread of sexuality transmitted diseases.
• What seems to be mere pleasures for man, can cause undesirable consequence and burden to woman in case of unintended pregnancy.
• Much as it causes hurt to others, lust torments the host most, within every instant of every day. Lust causes the mind to lose focus and a grand direction, as the mind becomes manipulated and troubled easily, losing the inner peace of the mind where one can stay constantly happy and at peace.

The solution?

Don't even think about it!

This is the first and simplest solution. Many lustful thoughts come in the spur of moments, that we find them in our heads even before we even decide to let them in. If so, don't let it develop! Let it end there. Delete. Period.

Everyone can do that, the question is whether a person would want to do that. In most cases, the answer is no. Asking this gives one the tendency to go further with that thought.

''No one knows or sees what I think, why should I care? Everyone is doing it.''

Though these words might take a person off the issue of embarassment and self reproach, it is the first step for a person to become the slave of his own lust, and many more unwholesome thoughts to come, that in time, he would find them hard to eradicate even if he wants to.

Other solutions:

• Surround yourself with friends and people who have a bigger and noble mission in life. Nurture your habits and speech with these people as a way to broaden your mind of the world and life outside the tiny house of lust.
• Make friends with the opposite gender to understand their thoughts and characters more.
• Keep yourself busy with work, a hobby or something you like to do. Adequate stress is also good in keeping your mind focused and away from lust.
• Read stories and excerpts from philosophical books to inspire yourself.
• Go out for a tedious exercise regime to refresh your mind and body.